everyday llamallove

Llama takes Manhattan: vintage edition

2011-10-02T13:13:00.000-04:00

A classic face never goes out of style...

With all the popular interest in the mad man era these days, we thought we'd jump on the bandwagon. Probably Inge Morath's most recognizable image, A Llama in Times Square (1957) shows Linda the Llama driving down Broadway after her tough day shooting at ABC studios. And you thought you had it rough at your 9-5. She made her debut in LIFE magazine, not bad for a country gal.

Check out more of Linda in action here.

I do...llama

2011-10-02T12:49:00.000-04:00

Now that wedding season is over and fall is upon us, it's nice to take a look back and see how creative some people got with their nuptials. We highly approve of this wedding photo, where a couple clearly has their focus (couldn't resist) in the right place. Congrats to the happy couple +1!

source

ROUND 2.0

2011-08-29T11:26:00.000-04:00

They Eat Llamas, Don't they?

2010-07-22T05:57:00.001-04:00

Over on llamasutra's favorite prime-time cooking competition, Top Chef, the contestants were challenged to cook with "strange proteins" last night. Everything from duck tongue (staple here in China), to duck testicles, labeled confoundingly as duck white kidneys, to crocodile. One lucky contestant got the roast llama, and managed to make her way into the top 3. Although normally llamasutra would be inherently opposed to eating our furry friend and main topic of conversation, in this instance, they had a pretty good showing.
Check it out below in the first 10 minutes.

Lets Steam our way through some more amazing commercials

2010-07-07T02:20:00.001-04:00

I've said it before, but these Stanley Steemer commercials are pretty fantastic. Not only are they edumacating the masses about alpacas, they are doing so in a way that only somewhat relevantly sells their product, something I appreciate in a good commercial. Kind of like Betty White playing football to sell Snickers.

Anyways, If I had any carpet, or a home for that matter, I would allow Stanley Steemer to steam the alpaca and/or llama shit right out.

Llama Fire

2010-07-03T01:31:00.001-04:00

It's a well-documented fact that llamas have a penchant for getting themselves on the local news. Now I don't want to insinuate anything, but when an RV hauling a llama trailer suddenly catches fire, blocking traffic on a freeway for several hours, in a slow-news region, on a holiday weekend, everybody knows there's a good chance reporters with cameras will be there. Suspicious.

"The drivers of the RV say they were heading to Minocqua when they saw white smoke and pulled over. Soon after the RV was engulfed in flames. Passerbys helped the family get their llama out and tried to put out the fire while waiting for firefighters.

The RV is destroyed."

Take it away WSAW reporters! Handsome, albeit pissed llama on the freeway rumble strip shot about 40 seconds in (sorry about the ad playing in the beginning, we all know local reporters work so hard for the money).

Confidential to news staff: The llama's usually ridiculous name is a pertinent, if not the main aspect to any solid story involving llamas.

Llamas Once Again Bringing the Funk

2010-06-25T09:51:00.000-04:00

Every now and then, a Google Alert for “llama” comes up that seems promising, but
needs to simmer a little longer before we faithfully report the big news to you.

For this reason (and ok, a bit of a cluttered inbox), we now give you some
belated llama news that has been enhanced by time and a recently-released video.

Funky Llama, inspired by a similar concept in London called Beautiful Octopus, is a
community-theatre (we’re talking Britain now), cabaret show performed exclusively by
people with learning disabilities. Obviously, the name Funky Llama is meant to convey
the message of charm, fun, as well as inclusion that llamas are so directly associated with.

Hats off to the organizers, and if they need some real live funky llamas, llamasutra is very
well-connected, even across the pond. We’re here to help.

Check out the video of rehearsals, and lets all commiserate together over our collective
jealousy in not being able to attend the real deal. Also, we need to get our hands on those
shirts! Thanks BBC.

Ugly pony or handsome llama?

2010-06-24T19:08:00.000-04:00

Have you ever posed that question to yourself when looking at one of nature's beasts? Perhaps.

Now take a look at Diego...you're definitely asking yourself that question now.

With a face only a mother, or a little British girl named Maddison Biddlecombe, could love, Diego is Maddy's bff. So much so that she's been arguing with her mom to raise thousands of $$billz to get him to a dentist.

Not only does she get props for having and loving a poama/llamony and fighting for his dental care, she keeps it super cute in her Hello Kitty!

More pics of the dynamic duo here.

Llamasutra gets a green makeover

2010-06-24T18:54:00.000-04:00

Check out the blog for a new *~*green*~* look. We're jumping on the trendy bandwagon to go green. Not only do llamas like grass and other green things, but we can charge more now. (OK, the blog is free, but isn't that what stores do when they rebrand?)

Let us know how you like our new and improved facade!

There's no place like home

2010-06-21T09:38:00.000-04:00

Another gem brought to you via a local news crime blotter:

Benton County Sheriff's Office
Monday, June 14
LLAMA HEAD: 9:18 p.m., 25300 block Cherry Creek Road. A woman discovered a dead llama's head nailed to her neighbor's fence. The neighbor's wife apologized for her husband's behavior and removed the head.

There are moments when hometown pride gets taken to a whole new level. Despite a fair amount of traveling that finds me now in the land of Haibao, as opposed to the lush, green Willamette Valley, this hometown news story makes one-half of llamasutra practically weep with pride. The other half wishes she could come to know this magical hamlet, where llama heads are often misconstrued as inappropriate, when clearly it was a sign of neighborly love.

(For those of you that haven't had the pleasure of seeing Haibao up close and personal in Shanghai, here's a photo of the elusive blue man-thing, compared to Gumby for good measure.)

AMEX Jumps on the Bandwagon

2010-06-01T09:12:00.000-04:00

We would just like to give a shout-out to American Express OPEN for jumping on the llama/alpaca bandwagon and featuring alpacas in their newest commercial. AMEX is already llamasutra's preferred plastic (thanks for all those free flights on JetBlue!) and this earns them another star in their crown.

The ad opens with the line:

"Why is this sharp-dressed lawyer standing in a pen with alpacas?"

I don't know, but you've sure got my attention. (You'll have to tune in yourself for the answer.)

Alpaca from Dustin Smith on Vimeo.

Kudos to the AMEX ad team for another clever, culturally-relevant commercial. I think it's safe to say that llamas/alpacas are 2010's trend animals. Let's check with the hipsters to be totally sure.

BTW- Happy June! Why not celebrate the warm weather and shear a llama?

And the award for best commerical in the llama/alpaca category goes to...

2010-05-18T10:52:00.003-04:00

STANLEY STEEMER! Their efforts to educate the public in the differences between alapcas and llamas while selling their carpet cleaning products and services should certainly not go unmentioned here at everyday llamallove. Congratulations!

More of these to come!

All shapes and sizes

2010-05-17T20:10:00.000-04:00

Sometimes on a rainy spring day you just need a little visual pick me up from llamas dressed in various pop culture references. Thanks to a fellow llama llover for the tip!

(sorry, can't find the photo credit for it)

Tootsie: Something of a 'llama about town'

2010-05-12T10:29:00.002-04:00

Well the local news is at it again, this time trying to convince readers that a llama just happened to wander into a bible reading marathon. Granted, a llama visit may seem like a gift from god, and a visit during a bible reading may indeed portend the second coming, but this article has more sass than substance and begins to tread in "sounds fishy" territory.

"Kemper Meadows stood on the steps of the Bleckley County Courthouse and read aloud from the Old Testament in her King James Bible.

She was somewhere in the first chapter of the Book of Joshua late Saturday afternoon.
And that’s when a llama named Tootsie showed up."

The article continues with so many choice quotes that somewhere in Alabama even Tootsie is humming along in approbation.

"Kemper should not have been too surprised to get a visit from Tootsie, who is somewhat of a 'llama about town' and a regular participant in parades and other festivities.

Tootsie doesn’t profess to be either Baptist or Methodist. She is strictly a nondenominational animal.

She could, however, be the Dalai Llama."

It's nice to see that the "llama about town" wasn't too busy to show up for the bible marathon, which lasts a whole 5,000 minutes every May in Cochran. Right on the courthouse steps! That's legal apparently!

"There are probably those who wonder how it is allowed to happen. After all, some courthouses don’t allow display of the 10 Commandments.

Yet, in downtown Cochran, folks fly the Christian flag and read scripture from the courthouse porch for more than 5,000 minutes every May.

Last year, a Cochran man who works at Robins Air Force Base told one of his co-workers about his plans to read the Bible on the courthouse steps.

'You can’t do that. It’s against the law,' the co-worker said.
Said the man: 'Not in Cochran, it isn’t.'"

Well there you have it. Folks are straight up flying that Christian flag high above Cochran and all the blessed llamas wandering around it.

My favorite part of the article shows the spirit and creativity in small-town America, where things are legal just because you say they are. "The Dairy Queen at the edge of town has a sign announcing that the marathon runs through May 51. (An employee used the numbers 5 and 1 to make 6, so you have to do the imaginative addition yourself.)"

Llamas save the day, yet again

2010-05-11T03:54:00.000-04:00

When they're not busy therapizing our at-risk youth and seniors, or saving the day in the community nativity scene (taking the place of the harder to come by camel) at Christmas time, llamas and alpacas are busy straight growing their hair out in the case of a major oil spill.

Yes, this year BP has one more tool in it's (rather pathetic looking) toolbox to clean up the spill in the gulf. Apparently llama fur is super absorbent and can be used in the booms that are placed in the water to contain the slick. The outlook is grim due to the seemingly unstoppable underwater oil volcano, but at least we can all smile at the llamas' ridiculous new look post-shearing.

Preview of post-haircut alpacas

Video link is here, sorry no embed options. It's worth a click. :-)

And as one commenter summed up the situation nicely:

"Tina, come soak up some oil... Soak the OIL!"

Artsy Fartsy

2010-04-30T09:36:00.000-04:00

Typically llamas are not associated with high fashion or the fine arts (what a shame!), but maybe we can change that. Today we bring you an untitled work featuring our furry friends. While we can't track down the original artist, we bring it to you through oculoid's daily dosage.

Let's call it "llama and evil llama."

How does it make you FEEL? What are these llamas thinking about? Do they represent the angel and devil on everyone's shoulders or our moral corruption as a society? Why do handlebar mustaches look evil?

Ponder it for a moment, it's Friday after all.

Team Jacob or Team Alpaca?

2010-04-24T14:05:00.000-04:00

While I haven't had the good fortune to see or ready any of the Twilight Saga, I am alive enough to know people are crazy about it, particularly the hotties. I also know about all the drama of Team Jacob v. Team Edward. (Take the quiz here.)

But have you heard of Team Alpaca? Well, you have now!

Brought to you by an always amusing site, totallylookslike.com, where all your doppelganger wishes come true.

Llama Shootings

2010-04-24T11:38:00.001-04:00

Whenever I read headlines that start with something like that, aka "Llama shootings puzzle T.F. Co. family," I always get mental image first of llamas on a rampage somewhere shooting the place up. Sadly, perhaps, this was not the case for one llama owner who has had two llamas shot dead in their pens in the last few weeks.

The woman took time to pose for a slightly creepy shot for the local news with the llama lying dead in the background. I'm not sure how I feel about this other than I hope they eventually buried them. Not sure if that's a priority though, considering this quote: "We didn’t think anything of it with the first one, but with the second one, we have no idea who would do this...When the first llama was found, 'We didn’t bury him,' Robinson explained, 'and the second one, he kind of felt lost and he’d kind of lay by his buddy during the day. He was laying a few feet from him when we found him.'”

There's a lot wrong with that, but seriously, you didn't think anything of it after someone shot your first llama? Here the picture that accompanied the article:

I know the newspaper industry is in the toilet, but is anyone really going to click that box, "Buy this photo?!" I hope not.

Llama-related Vocabulary lesson

2010-04-23T10:46:00.000-04:00

From an article in the WSJ(!), about a retired billionaire who invests in alpacas:

"As Mr. Steinhardt leaned in toward a barn stall, a white llama named Angel poked his head out curiously. 'Hello! Hello! How do you do?' Mr. Steinhardt cooed softly as Angel snuffled against his face."

Define "snuffled:"
a) sneezed
b) spit a mouthful of 3 day-old digested grass that smells nothing like the Gap scent (at all)
c) to breathe noisily, as through a blocked nose.

Good job if you answered c. Here's a link to the article as a "reward." Get at it before Murdoch makes you pay.

"Snuffleupagus" makes so much sense now. WHY HAVE I BEEN SAYING SNUFFLEUFAGUS THIS WHOLE TIME?!

Happy Bday Keelay!

2010-04-18T19:06:00.000-04:00

Half of llamasutra is celebrating his birthday today. We are a combined age of 50, so wise! An old photo from our DC days, how innocent we were in youth, yet how wise to steal a llama pinata from a party we crashed somewhere in northwest DC. Those were the days. Happy birthday baby!

Alpaca Farmstay FTW!

2010-04-16T08:06:00.001-04:00

If you thought that having a llama-themed wedding was the be-all end-all to living the (llama) dream, well you're wrong. We're not entirely sure what Simon & Laura had planned for the honeymoon post-llama wedding festivities, but if they weren't immediately booked on the first flight to New Zealand to experience a week-long Alpaca Farmstay, well then their follow-through could use some work.

That's right, for about $200/night, you can experience life on a real-life alpaca farm in New Zealand, waking up to the pitter-patter of a thousand baby alpacas prancing through the field (as seen in the banner ad):

According to the website, "Silverstream Alpaca Stud has available two luxurious self contained farmstay units that sleep up to four persons per unit. Each unit has two bedrooms, a bathroom, lounge, modern kitchen and a carport. The kitchen has a hobbs, microwave, dishwasher, fridge and the normal crockery, cutlery and cooking utensils."
I'm not entirely sure what a hobbs is (but it sounds nice), but this seems to be a real value. Ever-aware that their target market might be full of US alpaca-hobbyists, reeling in dough from their successful alpaca get rich quick schemes, the website adds, "There is even a nearby McDonalds."

Phew, sign me up.

Next April 15, get that alpaca fiber tax deduction

2010-04-15T17:58:00.000-04:00

It's April 15th, which means we're all focused on $ billz and paying our taxes so Uncle Sam can keep buying those star spangled top hats and war heads. So since we're all thinking about our finances, why not ponder profiting from alpacas (sorry llamas).

Thank you big brother (I mean gmail) for providing the useful link to sign up for a FREE newsletter about profiting with alpacas, complete with scores of real life testimonials!

You can learn SO MANY THINGS from this newsletter. Highlights include:
-How to separate fact from fiction
-How to take advantage of the tax benefits
-How to keep alpacas HAPPY
-How people create business plans for alpacas (wait, is the alpaca running the show here?)
-And of course, MUCH MUCH MORE

PS- according to Julie Roy, whose title is "Alpaca Breeder and Business Coach" (well they go together like peanut butter and jelly), "If you're pretty darn sure that you know everything there is to know about alpacas then there's no reason for you to sign up. But for the 99% of us who are enthralled by these amazing animals AND the amazing business opportunity which raising them can bring, don't you really owe it yourself to join" her free newsletter? In other words, you're wasting time and ruining your life by not allowing more alpaca-themed spam into your inbox.

Llama-related quote of the day

2010-04-15T04:25:00.001-04:00

"PS: I burned llama fat this weekend!!! I can't wait to tell you the context =)"

This comes from an email from a fellow AU alum. Since starting this blog, I feel like this happens more and more. Definitely a lot of random llama stuff coming my way, and we (Caitlin & I) couldn't be happier.

Updates to come on Holly and her llama fat.

To keep this somewhat educational, here is a page with all sorts of llamas found on wine and beer bottles. Including my personal favorite, Big Fat Llama, shown here:

That, my friends, is not a big fat llama.

If you have something llama-related that needs to be featured here, please contact us at llamasutra@gmail.com.

This Llama is a Therapist, and you?

2010-04-14T08:00:00.002-04:00

It's a rare feat, and only 13 other llamas are technically registered as therapists nationwide (ok, technically called Certified Therapy Llamas, by the Delta Society).

In another heartwarming Oregon llama story, this therapist, aka Rojo, visits classrooms of children who have various ailments, and helps them build confidence through interactions with the docile creature (don't let the spicy name fool you).

"They slipped a floral garland around his neck, fastened an oversized cottontail on his rump and, yes, attached bunny ears to his halter.

'[We do] not encourage decorating the therapy animals,' Lori Gregory said, with an apologetic nod toward Rojo. 'But we find the kids are less afraid to approach him this way.'"

I'm not sure what's included in "regular" therapy sessions, but I'm guessing that you have to pay extra for that in the real world.

And for the money quote: "A shy, serious boy, who averted his gaze when spoken to and made nervous little motions with his hands when not spoken to, broke out in a smile while circling the yard with leash in hand. The smile faded as he passed the leash. Another boy commented on the warmth of Rojo's body and then said: 'You make my heart warm.'"

Yes folks, llamas are special, especially when you get the rare one who really doesn't mind being man- or panhandled by children, the disabled, or senior citizens.

Anyways, I realized maybe that's why I turned out so well-adjusted (ha ha)...thousands of hours of free llama therapy that I didn't even realize I was getting growing up. Talk about a money-saver.

Full, heartwarming article here.
Also, confidential to the reporter: Dogs use "leashes," llamas use "leads."

via brother Ryan

Llove is in the air

2010-04-13T16:19:00.001-04:00

It's wedding season! (I only know that because some girl told me, but for her it's always wedding season, so I'm actually not that sure.) Weddings are big business and many llovebirds often opt for a cute theme that is special to them, be it beach, trekkie, furry or anime, if the bridezilla wants it, she can probably have it (for a fee, of course). Some socially conscious couples go green, and some even go on a farm.

Let's give it up for Mr. and Mrs. Simon and Laura for taking it to a whole new level with an entirely llama-themed wedding on a llama farm! Check out their flickr album which proudly shows their llama cookies, llama lollies and real life llamas!

Who wouldn't want their first photo as man and wife with some llamas? In these crazy times, it's a little bit of sanity.

Apparently a llama wedding isn't as rare as you'd think. I don't mean llamas getting married, I mean llamas being the main event at a bipeds' wedding. Shelley and Marco also took their nuptials to a whole new level by having some loving llamas in attendance, dressed in their Sunday best. Llove is in the air.

So if you're fianced, consider these pros and cons before deciding on a llama-themed wedding.

Pros:
Quirky, cuteness factor, free transportation for guests/supplies, and they can be milked after to make some wedding cheese and sheared for their fur to make your baby's christening gown.

Cons:
Llamas, unlike inanimate objects, poop, and the bride wears white = accident waiting to happen. Upstaging the newlyweds.

The beach wedding was so 2008. So next year, go for the llamas.

Llama Market Bottoms Out

2010-04-13T06:45:00.000-04:00

From Craigslist:

I have a papered Llama, Beemer and his fieldmate Hershey the Alpaca. Both have been neutered and have been our "fieldpets" for a few years. They are very nice and love to be around people and our four dogs. If you can provide a good home for these two beautiful fiber animals please give me a shout.

First off, the llama doesn't look papered to me. Pampered, maybe, judging by the fierce haircuts being sported.

Or maybe this is a new version of the Craigslist scams, only now, instead of Nigerian princes needing money wired to their account, you show up to this person's farm with your llama trailer, ready for your free llamas, and really they secretly unhitch the trailer and you drive off sans llama and out a trailer.

Or maybe the llama market has just gotten so bad? It's hard to say, but I have a feeling this owner has not put enough effort into making the sale. Judging by the effort put into the naming of these "fieldpets," Hershey and Beemer. Really? Do they realize the typical llama has at least a surname, if not several middle names and a prefix, such as Sir. At the very least they could have clicked on over to the llama name generator, and gotten some inspiration.
Here's a few good ones I just got:

Coach Perky Adonis
LarryBird Pandora Duncon
Chickabitty bubble Georgie

It's actually a little scary how real-to-life these sound...

Walk the Llama Llama

2010-04-12T08:14:00.003-04:00

I feel like I have successfully avoided the band Rascal Flatts up until now pretty well. I thought they were a country group, and after hearing this song, I'm not entirely sure how to classify them. But I do know this - they are purveying a funky llama-friendly sound that I'm guessing did not make it on the Top 40 charts. Rest assured, this blog could not let their pro-llama walking stance go unnoticed.
Enjoy(?!) below...

Walk The llama llama
Take in the panorama
Walk The llama llama - llama llama
Don't have to be a drama
Walk The llama llama - llama llama
No one could be calmer
Walk The llama llama
Walk The llama llama
Double L.A.M.A

Fluff up your fur
Stick out your chest
Walk The llama llama
Now your looking your best
Keep out the wind
Keep out the snow
Wool by llama from head to toe

Walk The llama llama - llama llama
Take in the panorama
Walk The llama llama
Walk The llama llama
Double L.A.M.A

Cool in the summer
Warm in the cold
A perfect fashion statement
For the young and the old
A cloak for the priest
A hat for the farmer
You could be looking at the emperor's pajamas

That's way the llama walks so proud
That's way the llama holds his head up in the crowd
All of us applaud his generosity
He's more than just a passing curiosity
He covers up our pride
And all those things we have to hide
In any civilized society

Walk The llama llama

Llama spotter: DC

2010-04-11T22:26:00.000-04:00

On a recent visit to our nation's capital, our llama blotter recently came across this gem in downtown DC. Abstract and mysterious, this llama is the epitome of grace. Perhaps our forefathers left this image to send us a message of their journeys abroad. Lincoln went Incan?

Llama related quote of the century

2010-04-10T06:32:00.000-04:00

"He looks like a female llama who has just been surprised in the bath."
-Churchill on De Gaulle, though Britain, the US and France were allies in World War II, so the following comments were presumably meant as friendly banter, according to the Times Live.

Here's a llama getting an actual bath, just for reference. Can't tell if its a female or not.

EveryLlama Poops

2010-04-09T06:08:00.001-04:00

Anyone in need of a fundraiser or part-time business plan? If you’ve got a llama or two, then maybe you won’t be so shit out of luck in this economy.

Take it from here local news:

“They're fired up about feces, excited about excrement, pumped about poop, stoked about ... you get the picture… The women of Novato's Soroptimists International chapter hope to raise funds for college scholarships and other charity programs by selling bags of llama droppings in front of Pini Ace Hardware on South Novato Boulevard during the store's Spring Garden Day.”

This article is bringing up all sorts of memories I have tried to suppress for many years. Because llamas like to poop in a relatively low number of piles all over their pasture, it isn’t so bad to clean up their pens, and use the scheiss to fertilize the garden or newly planted trees, etc. like my family has been doing forever. However, it’s not exactly a fond memory of your Saturday afternoon’s growing up either.

I also distinctly recall my first science experiment in 6th grade where we grew some sort of bean sprouts, and I had 3 pots to grow. One plain control plant, one fertilized with llama manure, and one with mint compost. The mint compost plant won, with the fastest growth, with the llama pellets a close second. I hypothesized that the llama pellets took longer to break down and thus didn’t achieve quite as good of growth in the short amount of time.

Here comes a helpful hint for that problem from the article:

“The manure is a compact pellet size and is virtually odor free. Its low nitrogen content is considered a plus and makes it popular in vegetable gardens. Brewing "bean tea" - a mixture of pellets and water that soaks overnight- can bring immediate results to transplanted seedlings or plants that are considered heavy feeders.”

I was unaware of this Bean Tea (there’s a tea party joke in here somewhere), but I will take issue with the fact they say that the pellet is virtually odor free. No, that’s just not true.

Side note, the 3 poop factory llamas names are Llouie, Llovee, and Lluna.
Poop on.

Taking care of bizniz

2010-03-29T22:12:00.000-04:00

We are pleased to announce that the blogosphere has officially recognized llamasutra as worthy of widespread attention and admiration. You can read the full interview here. Feel free to leave your comments and (positive) feedback. Show the llama some llove.

And just to remind you what our blog is about, we quote Senor Llama, aka Us, in the interview.

"Every time a llama appears in the local news stumbling into a neighbor’s backyard, appearing in a parade, or replacing a sheep in a Christmas nativity scene, llama’s cement themselves deeper into our hearts. Their owners give them ridiculous names, make them do ridiculous things (I’m looking at you, Peruvian sir, with the alpaca on your surfboard), and sometimes forget to close the gate. 911 dispatch gets involved, reporters come, and we all realize that our lives are merrier because of these friendly, if confusing animals."

EPIC llama-related police blotter.

2010-03-23T17:34:00.000-04:00

Sometimes having a Google Alert for “llama” and “arrested” really pays off in dividends.
These gems come to you straight out of the Fall River County South Dakota sheriff's call log. We’ll save the llama-related one ‘til the end.

“5:49 a.m. – 911 call from a female who was walking to Pine Ridge from Edgemont. She is five miles outside of town, is freezing and is requesting a ride.” – That is an epic walk of shame, and I really sincerely doubt it was worth it.

“9:05 a.m. – Female caller from South Sixth Street, requesting extra patrols near her home after she leaves later. Caller is afraid someone is climbing over her fence while she’s not home.” – 2 words: Electric Fence.

“9:23 p.m. – Female caller, wondering if her daughter had a warrant, as she hasn’t come home yet.” – I hope when I have kids, that my first thought when they aren’t home by 9pm isn’t that they must have been arrested.

“10:06 p.m. – 911 call from female, letting dispatch know she is home.” – It’s like checking in with your parents, but instead it’s tax-payer 911 dollars.

“5:44 p.m. – Female on South Chicago requesting an officer, as her sister is back and raising hell. Officer told her to leave for the night. Sister stated she wanted baby formula and a 27-inch TV.” – Just no words. None.

“10:42 p.m. – Male caller in Buffalo Gap, advising that he is done drinking for the night. He ordered a kilt and he goes to bed early and gets up early, and he lives by a witch.” – So many questions on this one. When did he start drinking if he’s done by 10:42? Does Amazon.com have a good selection of kilts? At least he lives by a witch, and not with a witch.

AND FINALLY FOR THE LLAMA:

“4:20 p.m. – Female on Argyle Road, reporting that the llama is back on her property again.” – I love how it's THE llama is back. Sounds like a creepy horror movie set-up. After all that, ok this was mildly anti-climatic.

Just a day in the life of a South Dakotan Police Officer. Sign me up, because these are some problems that I could see myself tackling. Also, is anyone else thinking there may be an epic meth problem in this town?

One Step Closer to Pigs flying: Surfing Alpacas

2010-03-18T10:29:00.002-04:00

File this under ideas from a late night of drinking that evolved into, well, something amazing and totally squeal-worthy. If only we all had the follow-through of this surfer, the world would probably be a more interesting place.

Anyways, like any good Peruvian, Dominigo has taken the first step towards bringing his alpaca to stardom with a stellar name choice. Pisco, the traditional Peruvian (or Chilean, depending on who you ask) liquor, is as ubiquitous and beloved as vodka in Russia. It's made from grapes, and is practically a challenge to find anything else to drink there. Let it be known henceforth that Pisco is now also a famous surfing alpaca.

I'm not sure how he managed to get his alpaca accustomed to water, much less the ocean. I remember one of the challenges during obstacle courses competition at the county fair with my llama, was literally leading him up to a mirror to see if he could handle his own reflection. A good portion of the other contestants' llamas would get spooked coming within 5 feet of such a horrific image, and undoubtedly this would not be a blue ribbon performance.

Pisco wears a special life jacket, and manages to stand up and ride waves on the front of Domingo's board, which I'm guessing is far better than I would do. He falls off the board from time to time, and doesn't seem to mind swimming around at all in the waves.

Oh yeah, another obstacle course challenge at the fair was leading your llama through a small pool of water, that was either in a kiddy-pool, or some sort of jerry-rigged tarp with about 2 inches of water. Literally half of the contestants WOULD NOT DO THIS.

In conclusion, my gut suspicion is that Pisco has been enjoying the Peruvian custom of chewing on coca leaves in order to ~~ease altitude sickness~~ help with his "anxiety." He probably doesn't even remember getting wet. Case closed.

Hidden llama in your cell phone contract?

2010-03-14T19:19:00.001-04:00

That is basically the gist of this nice commercial I saw while running at the gym today. Nice to see llamas ingrained in pop culture in Germany also.

Basically the theme is, get this cell phone for flat rates, because if you sign contracts, you get hidden fees, hidden llamas, etc. Ya know. The usual. Although I'm not sure why a hidden llama in your contract would be considered a negative thing. Except for, ya know, the occasional attack. But still.

Can't embed, video is here.

everyday german llamallove.

ps: pretty sure that's an alpaca.

Spring Decorating

2010-03-11T11:46:00.000-05:00

Spring has officially arrived! Time to shake down your apartment/house/villa and do some cleaning and decorating to rejuvenate after the long cold winter.

If you're looking to add a little more llama into your spring this year, here are a few ideas.

How about a handmade llama pillow from LAMA? A little pricy, but very stylish and sassy for that couch or bed. If you want a whole zoo on your couch, they come in other animals, but who would waste their time with a donkey?

If you're more interested in decorating your barn, why not opt for an alpaca/llama weathervane? Why let the roosters have all the fun? At just under $50, it's practically a steal.

If kitsch is more your style, how about a llama xing sign from ebay? Perfect for that home office, barn or TGI Friday's-themed room. Outdoors is always an option too; what a conversation starter with the neighbors.

If you're really stuck looking to decorate every inch of your abode or looking for the perfect gift for the llama llover who has everything, why not go for the llama toilet paper holder? (Comes in many other animals as well if you want some variety.) It really adds a little class on top of your toilet paper.

Happy decorating!

The Llama Attack

2010-02-19T17:24:00.002-05:00

Growing up participating in llama shows meant many long, grueling Saturdays at the fairgrounds, Friday night grooming sessions to get prepared, and a Sunday full of regrets and longing for a simple childhood of video games and R-rated movies. I would know a show would be coming up in the next month, so I would try to round up Icicle, Buff Dude, or sometimes Disco Dude if I needed to borrow my brother's llama because mine was off getting bred, or impregnating some piece on some other farm (R&R for llamas already living the good life).

While some llama owners wanted their animals pristine for the judges, I was only really committed to the point of getting the top layer of visible hay out of the 16 inch mass of fur that completely envelopes a llama. Any level of commitment past that means an interminable length of time with an industrial-strength blower, a hose and shampoo, a dryer, and then hours of brushing, and then repeat. Every day.

No thank you. Icicle, my pride and joy, was white, and thus not a great candidate for a lazy llama 4-H member with not a whole lot of patience for cleaning an animal who enjoys rolling in a dust bowl, literally, for pleasure. Our interests in the whole showllama process didn't align, as I wanted the ribbons and glory, and Icicle, although trained to be exceptionally well-mannered around people, seemed fairly disinterested in it all. And sort of fully opposed to the annual Christmas parade with complete reindeer costumes, antlers, and flashing Christmas lights complete with battery pack.

After the showring activities, days at the fair usually consisted of answering questions from the general public who didn't have the *pleasure* of growing up with llamas. Of course, the first question is always, "do they spit?" and I would usually launch into some spiel about how they rarely spit unless provoked by someone, and sometimes they spit at other llamas to establish a pecking order. And it's true, it's not that common, though it is probably their most effective defense mechanism, so of course they will bust it out if need be.

Turns out there is a whole genre of Youtube videos dedicated to showing exactly how to annoy a llama enough to the point where you will get their two-day old grass from the rear stomach regurgitated in your face.

You really think llamas like being talked down to like that? You think they won't do it twice just to make a point? Llamas are above nonsense like this, and aren't afraid to let you know how they feel.
And there are just so many more. Without experiencing the smell, and stinging in your eyes though, you haven't truly experienced a llama attack.

If you've got it, flaunt it

2010-02-17T13:01:00.000-05:00

As some of you animal lovers may know, Madison Square Garden just hosted the prestigious 134th Westminster Kennel Club dog show. So much passion, so much drama, so many moments coming way too close to the satirical Best in Show. (Who can forget Parker Posey freaking out about busy bee?)

And the winner is...SADIE the Scottish terrier aka CH Roundtown Mercedes of Maryscot (a regal name fit for a llama).

Even though dogs get a lot of the pomp and circumstance, let's not forget about our other furry four-legged friends, llamas and alpacas. They like to prance around and show their stuff and awesome names too. So if you're looking to show your llama/alpaca/their fleece, or be a judge, or get your kids involved, look no further than ALSA for your Llama Alpaca Show Association needs.

Don't let the dogs have all the fun!

(Proud to say their address is in Pittsburgh, proving that llamas are everywhere!)

Diversity.

2010-02-03T15:40:00.001-05:00

We haz it.

www.pixdaus.com

Brotherhood of the Llama

2010-02-03T00:01:00.000-05:00

While doing some late night llama searching on the internets, I came across the Brotherhood of the Llama. I browsed around the site for a few minutes and have absolutely no idea what it's about. Highlights: regal llama picture to greet you, lots of variety of topics, rules of llama club. To describe it as random would really be an understatement.

Here's the intro blurb on the site:

Don't try too hard to understand the Llama, just accept it. There are things in this world that cannot be boiled down to a simple definition or explanation. The Brotherhood of the Llama attempts to defy categorization and just be. Sit back, open your mind and accept the absurdity that is Llama. To the Llama, all is fair game. Do not fear the Llama. Obey the Llama.

While I wouldn't recommend this to anyone looking for any real information, hey, why not!?

Vintage Modelling Llamas

2010-01-29T16:21:00.001-05:00

Llamas have always been associated with the free-wheeling, anti-corporate mindset. Rightfully so.

Alpacas on the other hand, seem to have a slightlier creepy mass-appeal.

And it's true. When I think of the Incas, all I think is, "what a great civilization of travel agents they were."

Check out Vintage Ad Browser for great vintage ads with llamas, or just about anything else.

Llamas for Obama

2010-01-29T00:06:00.001-05:00

Yesterday marked Obama's first State of the Union address and his first year in office, and let's face it, we're just happy it's anyone but Bush. Not only is he just a cooler guy in general, but he has a cooler name too (rhymes with Bush: smoosh, mush, Hindu Kush).

In contrast, so many cool, positive things rhyme with Obama: mama, drama, Osama (eh, scratch that) and of course LLAMA. Back in 2008, ambitious, forward-thinking supporter Chris Drew started ObamaLlama(TM) to fundraise for the campaign, selling stuffed llamas with Obama's face on them.

The website gives a few cute reasons why they started selling the stuffed animals: that it's soft and cuddly and makes a great gift for all different people in your life. But then it gets deep. "ObamaLlama was coined as a way of associating Barack Obama with a more peaceful, wise and diplomatic world figure: the Dali Lama." (Dali spelled like the painter, not like the Dalai Lama.)

(Drew, with his ObamaLlamas)

It clearly doesn't take a private university degree to rhyme Obama and llama; they probably even managed to do it on Fox News. A few other people had similar ideas, so for your visual delight, happy 1st anniversary Obama!

Poor Hillary.

American Girls Have Llamas Too

2010-01-24T22:07:00.002-05:00

When I was a young girl I had an American Girl Doll, Molly McIntire, to be exact. She grew up during WWII and had a detailed back story just like the other 5 or so of them. It's been awhile since Molly came out of her box in the attic, so I touched base recently and found that there are now tons of them, including dolls of the year!

This year is Lanie but last year was Chrissa, who happens to have a llama friend you can buy for her - for the bargain price of $25, but what is money when you're talking about llamas with parade packs that can carry bookmarks for your friends. Apparently, Chrissa moved to Iowa to be closer to "Nana" who also bought her the llama. She was lucky enough to befriend my new favorite doll, Gwen, who's homeless! What a girl to look up to. (BTW- Even though Gwen's homelessness and the economic downturn are being exploited, she costs $95 like the rest of the girls.)

The moral to the story is that yay! American girls have llamas too. They've really hit the main stream and the llama lobby is getting 'em young.

And if you're a little bored/out of touch with marketing for young girls, here's a shameful excerpt from Wikipedia about the girl's complicated back story:

"Chrissa attempts to befriend Gwen Thompson, a shy, lonely, unpopular girl who is also bullied by the Bees. Although Gwen is at first aloof, the girls gradually become friendly. At a fundraiser for the local homeless shelter, Chrissa finds out that Gwen is homeless; Chrissa is sworn to secrecy but the girls become closer as a consequence. Meanwhile, Sonali is starting to be friendlier with Chrissa but is still more loyal to Tara. Chrissa becomes friends with Sonali and Tara warns her that if she is friends with her she will be kicked out of the club but Sonali says she dosen't care if she isn't in the club."

Nothing but quality literature for our young American minds.

Sadly, I think Chrissa's llama doesn't have a name, which means, American Girl really isn't all that "in touch" because if they were, they would know it's a mortal sin not to bestow upon your llama a flashy name.

So, what should Chrissa's llama be called?

White Delight?
Des Moines Dandelion?
Recession Proof Poofy?

You tell us!

UPDATE (by KYLE):
So as it turns out often in life, everything is just one big giant marketing scam that just takes a little scraping below the surface to completely unravel like a spool full of llama wool on your spindle.

It turns out the bookmark carrying (wtf) pet llama of Chrissa already has a name. Wait for it - Starburst. Now you might think this is all just tied back to the ridiculous llama naming trends we mentioned previously, but tamed down for the American Girl Audience, but it goes much deeper.
According to Ad Age, the llama was named Starburst because of the cult success of a Starburst commercial that started out for Hispanic audiences, but then crossed over to the English-markets due to extreme popularity, tweets in social media, etc. etc.

So while the llamasutra naming contest still stands (I think we can come up with something better than Starburst), we've basically learned that the American Girls corporation is one sleazy money-making operation that will name a homeless girl's friend's llama after a candy for a few extra sales. Why not just fill that saddle up with other fine Mars candies while they're at it.

Ok, so maybe this wasn't as scandalous as it seemed in my head. Carry on.

Llamas Supply Drama at Forth Worth Stock Show

2010-01-23T11:32:00.000-05:00

[WARNING: REPORTER MAY HAVE BEEN HIGH WHILE WRITING THIS]

FORT WORTH – They prance into the show ring with their heads held high, gliding across the arena floor as if it were a catwalk.

KYE R. LEE/DMN

Judge Bill Schultz was seeing eye-to-eye with Cinderfella during judging of the halter class at the stock show on Thursday.

If the barnyard were high school, the llama would be that elegant, impeccably groomed girl that always seemed so unapproachable.
But give them a chance, llama owners say, and you'll discover that the sleek camel-like creatures are really just intelligent, curious and surprisingly warm – even if they do look like supermodels.

"Hey, they have their bad hair days too," said Patti Wattigney this week, as she and her husband, Keith, readied their llamas to compete at the Southwestern Exposition and Livestock Show in Fort Worth. "But we never do get tired of looking at them."

Partly because of their regal appearance – lush fur and impossibly long necks – llamas often aren't given credit for their workhorse versatility, say their owners.
Members of the same family as the camel and the alpaca, llamas are classified by the U.S. Department of Agriculture as farm animals. The stock show groups them as part of the horse department.

KEEP READING

Alpaca Breed Quiz

2010-01-22T16:29:00.000-05:00

Quick, what's the difference between a Huacaya and a Suri alpaca? Hopefully our regular readers can at least spot the difference between a llama and an alpaca, but we are here to educate, so we are kicking up the llamallessons up a notch today.

As the laser cut magnets attempt too show, ($6.50 each, available at Etsy, of course), a Huacaya is a type of alpaca, that sort of resembles a fluffy teddy bear. It sort of usually looks like it may have trouble seeing where it is going, because its fro has managed to grow over its eyes.

Even though the magnet is the same price, a Suri alpaca has stringy, silky strands hanging down, which I guess could be likened to dreads, just really expensive dreads that grow back relatively quickly.

So take your pick, the classic Llama, always a hit; the alpaca, your standard pocket-sized choice that will give you a quality sweater, or one day, perhaps a snuggie; Huacaya, aka 'the fro'paca,' or the Suri, who may only be as tall as a nine year old, but who you definitely wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley.

Don't get Fleeced

2010-01-20T12:24:00.002-05:00

...out of your 2.95 in iTunes credit that buying this latest game would require. "Fleeced! Shear Terror" is a new app for iPod Touch and iPhone with a fairly misleading title. Judging from the short preview clip below, the game is set on some sort of Incan Plateau (though it looks more like the temples at Teotihucan to me, but that's neither here nor there), and all you are really tasked with is trying to blow up your neighbor's llama pen, thus unleashing the (shear!) terror of an escaped llama. Please.

If they wanted to liven the game up a bit, it should really stick to the title, and be centered around trying to shear your llama or alpaca's wool, as you struggle to survive the frigid nights high up in the Andes. Your llama would kick, spit, and attempt to struggle free as you use some rusty clippers to get to the goods. For those unsuccessful gamers who are unable to extract the wool off the body of the animal, they will be inevitably forced to sacrifice the animal for its meat, resulting in a less than stellar score, but all the while salvaging some usefulness. Now that is an App.

LlamaSutra

2010-01-19T15:19:00.000-05:00

UR DOIN IT RITE!

MiLK a llama DAY

2010-01-18T20:32:00.000-05:00

If you're an American, you may be celebrating MLK day today, or if you're like me, you have to work at a crappy job that doesn't give holidays (welkom to amerika). Some people call it milk day for brevity. Llamas like this (brevity and milk, they're simple creatures.) So in honor of freedom and thirst, we present this gift of practical knowledge to you: How to milk a llama.

Alek, a city slicker, had the good sense to ask the experts on yahoo answers, and got two responses.

You decide on the response that works for your own needs.

1. "you milk it just like a cow or a goat... nothing to it..."

2. "It can be done, but it's a lot more difficult than milking a goat or a cow. The teats are far smaller and it's very difficult to get a good enough grip to be able to strip any milk out.
Your better bet is to try the "reverse syringe" method. This is from an alpaca website, but will work on llamas, as well: Alpacas are not easy to milk, as they produce milk little yet often. Milk can be expressed from the teats using a 10ml syringe with its top narrow neck cut-off. Put the wide end of the syringe (un-cut end) on the udder, and draw the plunger back. Decant it into a sterile container, out of kicking distance!"

So there you have it. Go out and celebrate MiLK day by milking a llama, no matter if you're black or white, woo!

Me and My Llama

2010-01-10T10:51:00.000-05:00

As a retired, semi-professional llama trainer, I can unequivically state that this llama is the best behaved one I have ever come across, digitally or otherwise. I should also point out that the girl took the llama to a veterinarian, not a dentist. Last time I checked, there wasn't a wall of cages full of cats at my dentist's office. But otherwise, this song completely rocks.

Llamas Llove Golf

2010-01-07T05:38:00.000-05:00

Press Release:
Tiger Woods Needs A Llama
BREVARD, N.C. (Wireless Flash - FlashNews) – After all the bad publicity over his extramarital affairs, Tiger Woods could use a good llama on the links.

Llama Caddy – a service that trains llamas to perform the duties of a golf caddy – can provide a kind and gentle live llama to follow Woods on the fairway, giving both his image and heart a boost.

Mark English, founder of Llama Caddy, says Woods would look better in the eyes of golf fans if he had a llama on the green because “kids love llamas.”

A llama caddy would also soothe Wood’s bruised ego and provide some therapy.

English explains, “Llamas really know how to calm someone down. There’s a great feeling they give you. A Zen quality feeling. Tiger could really use that.”

Yes, this is a real service that exists in NC. The real question here is clearly not "how much?" or "why?" but "why not?" Other than the fairly high risk of stepping in a few fecal pellets here and there (really much better than the usual goose or duck poo), I see no problems.

Llamas and Golf! An American past-time.

Merry 2010 Llamallovers

2010-01-06T10:25:00.000-05:00

Didn't get the llama paraphernalia that you clearly deserved over Christmas? Or maybe you did send a llama to a Peruvian family in need as we suggested earlier, and you'd like to be reminded of your good deed all year long (whoever said giving was a selfless act, welcome to 2010).

Whatever the case, may we suggest a llama or alpaca calendar that can spruce up a boring cubicle in no time. Cafepress has a wide array of amateur, comical, user-generated calendars to choose from.

How about a wet alpaca babies calendar?

Or maybe an Alpaca Angels Calendar, where someone has taken the trouble to painstakingly photoshop in halos around the alpaca pictures?

Or our personal favorite, someone who thought they could get away with uploading one, Andy Warhol style image for every single month except December (we'll just add a Santa Hat), and thinks he will sell some.

Ok, alpaca owners officially win the crazy devotion to their pets contest.

Merry Christmas

2009-12-25T12:12:00.003-05:00

Merry Christmas, to all the llama llovers out there.

a very llama christmas gift

2009-12-21T23:26:00.001-05:00

christmas is fast approaching and like every year, you procrastinate buying gifts for your friends and lovers. (we know it's a recession but face it, you've always been pretty cheap).

so, what do you get for the llama llover that has everything? an all american t-shirt of course!

we've hand selected a few favorites for you to choose from.

for cousin gary, who has that dramatic girlfriend: "save the drama for your llama"
a minimalist designs gets the message across. also comes in "word to your llama."

for your pseudo-activist friend with the free tibet bumper sticker: "i heart the dalai llama"
cute little play on words with a political message (and wicked moustache).

for all your libyan/north korean/italian friends: "my llama is smarter than your president"
because sometimes the truth hurts, and now we have obama.

for your gardener jorge, who hasn't done so hot in his esl class: "como se llama?"
llamasutra habla espanol. and we don't forget that llamas originally all spoke spanish too!

for your pastor/rabbi/priest or art teacher: "creation of the llama"
we suggest caribbean blue!

while we could go on forever, you need to hurry up and buy some presents. so, for basically anyone...
THE LLAMA SUTRA
something for everyone in a beautiful shade of yellow.

so this christmas, let your loved ones know you care, and send some llama llove their way.

Fiddy Llamas

2009-12-21T16:37:00.001-05:00

Judging by the amount of news coverage about llamas in community nativity scenes nationwide (thank you google alerts), stepping in for their scarcer and unrulier big brother, the camel, I feel as though we can respectfully submit December 26 to be nominated as 50 llamas day. Enjoy.

Dial A Llama

2009-12-17T05:09:00.000-05:00

Looking for a business with low overhead and start-up costs? Look no further than this intrepid and crafty business model from Bolivia.

A pentup demand for deliverable, one-time use llamas and alpacas clearly exists, as evidenced by this Yahoo! Answers post from a little girl desperate to have an alpaca-themed party, yet without the means or ability to have an actual real life animal present. Weddings, Bat Mitzvah’s, anniversaries, and much more could also benefit from the presence of such a regal animal.

Act now, while www.dialallama.com is still available!

Excited to Have Our First Fan Letter!

2009-12-16T06:59:00.006-05:00

dear llama sutra,

i am a big fan of your work. i wanted to pass on this link for your consideration:

best wishes,
tiger woods

our slightly edited reply:

thank you for taking time away from your busy day of submitting exremely classy ladies to your, ahem, golf club, and submitting this link to us.

regards,
llamasutra

PS: We have obtained photos of the alleged #15

Further Proof Anything is Available on CL

2009-12-15T06:56:00.001-05:00

Anytime a posting on Craigslist starts out with "this is not a scam!" I am almost immediately relieved of any doubt I may have once had.

And so starts out this posting for llama nail trimming and other shearing services in the Seattle area.

Apparently the going rate for a nail trim is
$20 per animal, and for a llama
shearing, aka 'haircut' it is $50.

Still cheaper than a haircut in NY I guess.
But act fast, as there is a holiday special discount of 10%.

Also package deals are available for llamas who have neglected their nails AND hair these last few months.

Here is some contact info if you live around Seattle. 253-951-0629 or marielleriley@yahoo.com
http://queen-annes-lace.webs.com/

Really this posting is an excuse to post some cute pictures of crias from this woman's website.

Llamas Llove Secrets, too

2009-12-11T10:50:00.001-05:00

From everybody's favorite help me please get rid of my white liberal guilt without the use of an expensive therapist, website, PostSercret, comes a new-ish German version. Even in Germany, you can send your deepest, darkest secrets on a postcard to a local address for the world to see online in a totally non-committal, anonymous way that appeals so much to our internet generation.

Anyways, the German version happened to recently feature a llama in a somewhat unflattering angle.

My rough German translation would be:

"Sometimes I can't stand your fake nice facial expressions."

Note to sender: Llamas don't generally speak German- just Spanish, English, and a bit of LOLspeak.

Lots of llama love at Old Fashioned Christmas

2009-12-10T16:38:00.002-05:00

I thought this was a "news" story straight from the Daily Show, but apparently it's just another cause of local news being awesome.

Straight from our friends at the Dickson Herald, the story in its entirety reads as follows:

Kyrstin Fouch, 14, of Dickson received a holiday kiss on the cheek from a llama, 4-year-old Pearl, on Main Street at Friday night’s Old Fashioned Christmas in Downtown Dickson. Pearl is owned by Tori and Mike Howk from Furnace Creek Farm in Cumberland Furnace.

Don't worry, there's an accompanying photo.

Things like this actually make me nostalgic for a past I didn't live in. How quaint life can be in good ole Tennessee.

Lama the Dancing Game

2009-12-10T16:28:00.003-05:00

What do these guys have in common besides their serenity and love for dance?

Like most people that have day jobs involving computers, I was bored and surfing them internets. Luckily, I happened to stumble upon a gem, sort of?

lama.com greets its viewers on the home page with a random informational paragraph about llamas and a lama dancing game. You make the llama dance by hitting random buttons on the keyboard and can even pick different soundtracks or watch others' dances they've created.

The site gets more confusing when you can choose to go to the Lama in Peru tab where it just talks about random llama info, (all misspelled I might add), Lama Photos and then there's a section on the Dalai Lama (which is the correct spelling). Not totally sure how all of this relates, but I'll accept it for now.

Have fun killing time at work making your llama dance in between contemplating a conversion to Buddhism!

Catch a Llama if you can

2009-12-09T05:49:00.000-05:00

Anytime a newspaper article describes a llama as "mysterious," I can't help but eagerly reading on. It turns out that the latest llama on the lam story comes to us all the way from Ireland. Under the catchy headline, "Irish police seek runaway llama in County Wicklow," we find out that at the crux of the issue is that Irish motorists do not normally encounter an escaped llama on the side of the road, and they have been consistently phoning in the anomaly to the police.

The police, likely tipsy, and lacking the proper training, have had difficulty capturing the llama, even though he is reported to be grazing along the side of the road, and has been seen "peeping into passing cars." Again, this seems doubtful. Reading on....

Police seized five llamas and three goats from a traveling circus last month. It was reported that they were being mistreated, and the circus owners were asked to pay a fine to release them. The animals miraculously disappeared a few days after their seizure.

A llama miraculously disappearing? Sacrilege! Although the police may have thought their heavy workload of feeding and more importantly, brushing the seized llamas, was eased by their disappearance, clearly they are making more work for themselves now that they must recapture them in the rugged countryside.

Also...loving the llama file photo they came up with for this story:

Stand proud escaped circus llamas!

Click. Buy. Llama.

2009-12-08T15:08:00.000-05:00

If the current economic downturn has taught us anything, perhaps it is the fact that we can indeed survive with less. The era of the 42" LCD TV in the guest bathroom (one in the living room will probably suffice), the 5 car garage for the new house, and the diamond-studded dog collar is officially over.

So when the holidays roll around, it is important to be consistent with your gift giving as well. If grandma isn't getting the 24" rims for the Caddy she's been eying, then she probably isn't getting you the latest spider-trapping contraption from SkyMall either. So why not break the cycle and start a tradition of gift-giving that makes everyone feel good, is easier on the pocketbook, and involves llamas, alpacas, or perhaps even fermented cow urine if you are feeling really giving (read: hateful, or vengeful).

That's right, this year, from the comfort of your own home, you can order an alpaca for a Bolivian family in need, and you can do it in someone else's name as a holiday gift. What better way to say I love you, than an empty box under the Christmas tree, that will leave you explaining to Bobby or the GF (once the tears have subsided), that "In the freezing Peruvian Andes, alpacas are part of the family. Not only do they offer a ready supply of nourishing milk, their wool provides people with vital insulation. Families sell the fleeces, too, generating income to see them through the winter months." The tears will stop instantly.

But seriously, it's time to do something good, pay it forward, blah blah blah, and most importantly it comes with free alpaca finger puppets to signify your donation. Practical Presents, Project Concern, and FARM Africa, all have really neat gift ideas for that special someone who already has it all. Because he probably doesn't already have fermented cow urine.

llamasong

2009-11-29T14:57:00.004-05:00

I'm sure you've all heard the llama song, but just in case.

I'm starting a petition to have all children sing this with their hands on their hearts every day in school. The pledge of allegiance is so 1776, and frankly, a bit too slow for our ADHD generation. We need some more action.

llamas love big government

2009-11-25T17:11:00.000-05:00

Who says that the government is incapable of action?

From the Public Safety Log of the Albany Democrat Herald: (below the stolen oxycodone story, but above the 14 year old who hit his teacher after he was told to leave the room)

"Llama stuck — A concerned person called dispatch saying a llama had its head caught in a fence in the 32000 block of Denny School Road at about 12:30 p.m. Monday. The owner was contacted and came to Snowball’s rescue."

This comes from close to home, in neighboring Albany, Oregon, where due to various industrial related stenches, no one wants their head to be stuck in anything for too long.

Concerned citizen, Snowball thanks you, and will continue to stick his head through small spaces to get to that very green blade of grass just on the other side.

separated at birth: samuel l. jackson/llama

2009-11-25T15:45:00.000-05:00

Apparently Samuel L. Jackson has caught the llama flu (swine flu is so last month).

Here is SLJ looking fierce and rocking the llama look c/o one of our favorite websites.

Got your own llama inspired 'do? Show us!

community organizing vs. llama herding

2009-11-24T16:52:00.005-05:00

In what can only be interpreted as a sign of the true importance of llamas in their native South American lands, it has just come to our attention that current Bolivian President Evo Morales is a former LLAMA HERDER.

Which makes sense really. We now know that community organizing is a legitimate path to the presidency, and when your community is made up of llamas, well, organizing is just another term for herding if you think about it.

Bravo Morales. Managing llamas is undoubtedly a good warm up to the social class spats and border disputes that dominate Bolivian politics. We'd like to see it introduced as a litmus test of sorts for U.S. politicians in the upcoming election cycle.

the rare new jersey llama

2009-11-23T19:56:00.000-05:00

Spotted: Sprinkles McGoo, rare New Jersey llama in Jersey City.

Please excuse the quality of this image but like other rare and mythical beasts such as Sasquatch and the Loch Ness Monster, Sprinkles can be tough to capture in a photo.

Sprinkles was last seen in Tibet by lama Kui Lu, learning the ancient wisdom of the buddha. Before that, he was visiting his ailing mother in Peru, eating empanadas.

Make sure to email us a photo if you see him in a neighborhood near you. Some of Sprinkles' favorite hang outs are hookah bars, Buddhist temples and taco trucks.

Gambler the Llama, Impounded

2009-11-21T06:25:00.001-05:00

Let's face it, llamas love a little bit of publicity from time to time. When their day becomes a never-ending monotony of head down, chomping grass, sniffing an occasional llama bottom, and rolling in a dust bowl, some llamas can't help but take matters into their own hands to spice things up with the townies.

While some locals won't think twice about having a llama wander in and do a free lawn mowing of the back yard, some will make videos and send them to the local news. Llamas love this, and can usually sniff a possible newscast from at least three pastures over.

Gambler the llama clearly knows the value of the local press when he went and got himself impounded. He had already thought of several alternate headlines to the story, from "District Impounds Lost Llama," to "Gambler Impounded for Grass Possession," to "Local Gambler Lost on Neighbors Lawn."

Bravo Gambler, and keep up the great work spreading the news. Maybe next time an actual camera man will show up from the news station instead of the girl's little brother(?).

Llama Trauma

2009-11-20T10:21:00.000-05:00

It's rarer than a coherent sentence from Sarah Palin, yet more devastating than Cheney in an undisclosed location: The dreaded llama attack. Although llamas are generally grouped with other dangerous animals such as butterflies, pandas, and the occasional unicorn, one must always remain vigilant and prepared. Easily spooked, and ever disdainful of redneck taunting (likely due to their sophisticated upbringing in the Andean highlands) llamas can snap more dramatically than a Lindsay Llohan made for TV movie.

Always known for their journalist standards and objectivity, here's a non-sensationalist look at a recent "incident."

In typical Fox News fashion, commentators are already calling for a crackdown on all illegal llama migrations at border checkpoints. Glenn Beck has gone so far as to label the llama in question a radical South American infidel, hell-bent on destroying the fabric of rural American life. Always the independent voice of reason, Bill O'Reilly has seized the opportunity to bring up his long standing "War on Llamas," citing the coastal liberal elites penchant for raising llamas, as opposed to more traditional farm animals, such as cows, chickens, and the occasional goat.

PS: Llamas don't reach 8 feet tall. FOX/Redneck family FAIL.
PPS: The alleged attacker's name was Spanky, see previous post on llama names.

Stillamaness is the Move

2009-11-19T10:35:00.000-05:00

If there's one thing llamas llove, it's music. If there's one thing they llove even more, it's being the star of a music video.

For your listening and viewing pleasure, we present the Dirty Projectors "Stillness is the Move" featuring a seriously fierce llama.

This stylized video really captures the grace and nobility of the llama and pairs it with braless Brooklyn hipsters in hoods and harem pants. Also notice the love between the llama and his master around 3:07. At 3:53 the llama pretends to try to break free, but then says jk and falls back in line, trotting off into the distant abyss of life.

Llama Name Love

2009-11-18T12:52:00.000-05:00

The care and feeding of llamas can be considered relatively simple. Put them in a pasture with green grass, give them some grain from time to time, fresh water, and you are pretty much set. Naming them, however, is a most serious activity. Llamas simply cannot have a boring name like Sally or Bob. They don’t usually have last names either in the familial sense, so llama owners generally take special care to be sure that their first name(s) are jazzy enough to stand alone. Not even holier-than-thou horse owners (hereby referred to as “horse people”) can shake a Himalayan hiking stick at some of the names llama owners come up with.

In many respects, this makes sense. If you are going to be offering up your precious male up for auction, it’s going to rile the crowd up a lot more, if the auctioneer has to say, “We’ll start the bidding for, er, um… Chocolate Sizzle Surprise at 1,000 dollars. Do I hear 1,000 for Chocolate Sizzle Surprise? He’s from an exceptional breeding line, the first offspring of Madam Mochabean III, and Junior Fizzlebeans. Yes, 1,000 will start the bidding.”

So in honor of every oddly named llama or alpaca out there today, here is just a random sampling of Studs and females for sale from llamaweb.

*DBR Beau Brummell
*Oak Leaf Wilhelm
*Flambe's Martinique
*Crystal Blue Persuasion
*Hello Boogie
*Misty Morning

And to my favorites from my ranch: Buff Dude, Denali Jolly, White Delight.....
and

DISCO DUDE!