Artsy Fartsy

Typically llamas are not associated with high fashion or the fine arts (what a shame!), but maybe we can change that. Today we bring you an untitled work featuring our furry friends. While we can't track down the original artist, we bring it to you through oculoid's daily dosage.

Let's call it "llama and evil llama."

How does it make you FEEL? What are these llamas thinking about? Do they represent the angel and devil on everyone's shoulders or our moral corruption as a society? Why do handlebar mustaches look evil?

Ponder it for a moment, it's Friday after all.

Team Jacob or Team Alpaca?

While I haven't had the good fortune to see or ready any of the Twilight Saga, I am alive enough to know people are crazy about it, particularly the hotties. I also know about all the drama of Team Jacob v. Team Edward. (Take the quiz here.)

But have you heard of Team Alpaca? Well, you have now!

Brought to you by an always amusing site, totallylookslike.com, where all your doppelganger wishes come true.

Llama Shootings

Whenever I read headlines that start with something like that, aka "Llama shootings puzzle T.F. Co. family," I always get mental image first of llamas on a rampage somewhere shooting the place up. Sadly, perhaps, this was not the case for one llama owner who has had two llamas shot dead in their pens in the last few weeks.

The woman took time to pose for a slightly creepy shot for the local news with the llama lying dead in the background. I'm not sure how I feel about this other than I hope they eventually buried them. Not sure if that's a priority though, considering this quote: "We didn’t think anything of it with the first one, but with the second one, we have no idea who would do this...When the first llama was found, 'We didn’t bury him,' Robinson explained, 'and the second one, he kind of felt lost and he’d kind of lay by his buddy during the day. He was laying a few feet from him when we found him.'”

There's a lot wrong with that, but seriously, you didn't think anything of it after someone shot your first llama? Here the picture that accompanied the article:

I know the newspaper industry is in the toilet, but is anyone really going to click that box, "Buy this photo?!" I hope not.

Llama-related Vocabulary lesson

From an article in the WSJ(!), about a retired billionaire who invests in alpacas:

"As Mr. Steinhardt leaned in toward a barn stall, a white llama named Angel poked his head out curiously. 'Hello! Hello! How do you do?' Mr. Steinhardt cooed softly as Angel snuffled against his face."

Define "snuffled:"
a) sneezed
b) spit a mouthful of 3 day-old digested grass that smells nothing like the Gap scent (at all)
c) to breathe noisily, as through a blocked nose.

Good job if you answered c. Here's a link to the article as a "reward." Get at it before Murdoch makes you pay.

"Snuffleupagus" makes so much sense now. WHY HAVE I BEEN SAYING SNUFFLEUFAGUS THIS WHOLE TIME?!

Happy Bday Keelay!

Half of llamasutra is celebrating his birthday today. We are a combined age of 50, so wise! An old photo from our DC days, how innocent we were in youth, yet how wise to steal a llama pinata from a party we crashed somewhere in northwest DC. Those were the days. Happy birthday baby!

Alpaca Farmstay FTW!

If you thought that having a llama-themed wedding was the be-all end-all to living the (llama) dream, well you're wrong. We're not entirely sure what Simon & Laura had planned for the honeymoon post-llama wedding festivities, but if they weren't immediately booked on the first flight to New Zealand to experience a week-long Alpaca Farmstay, well then their follow-through could use some work.

That's right, for about $200/night, you can experience life on a real-life alpaca farm in New Zealand, waking up to the pitter-patter of a thousand baby alpacas prancing through the field (as seen in the banner ad):

According to the website, "Silverstream Alpaca Stud has available two luxurious self contained farmstay units that sleep up to four persons per unit. Each unit has two bedrooms, a bathroom, lounge, modern kitchen and a carport. The kitchen has a hobbs, microwave, dishwasher, fridge and the normal crockery, cutlery and cooking utensils."
I'm not entirely sure what a hobbs is (but it sounds nice), but this seems to be a real value. Ever-aware that their target market might be full of US alpaca-hobbyists, reeling in dough from their successful alpaca get rich quick schemes, the website adds, "There is even a nearby McDonalds."

Phew, sign me up.

Next April 15, get that alpaca fiber tax deduction

It's April 15th, which means we're all focused on $ billz and paying our taxes so Uncle Sam can keep buying those star spangled top hats and war heads. So since we're all thinking about our finances, why not ponder profiting from alpacas (sorry llamas).

Thank you big brother (I mean gmail) for providing the useful link to sign up for a FREE newsletter about profiting with alpacas, complete with scores of real life testimonials!

You can learn SO MANY THINGS from this newsletter. Highlights include:
-How to separate fact from fiction
-How to take advantage of the tax benefits
-How to keep alpacas HAPPY
-How people create business plans for alpacas (wait, is the alpaca running the show here?)
-And of course, MUCH MUCH MORE

PS- according to Julie Roy, whose title is "Alpaca Breeder and Business Coach" (well they go together like peanut butter and jelly), "If you're pretty darn sure that you know everything there is to know about alpacas then there's no reason for you to sign up. But for the 99% of us who are enthralled by these amazing animals AND the amazing business opportunity which raising them can bring, don't you really owe it yourself to join" her free newsletter? In other words, you're wasting time and ruining your life by not allowing more alpaca-themed spam into your inbox.

Llama-related quote of the day

"PS:  I burned llama fat this weekend!!! I can't wait to tell you the context =)"

This comes from an email from a fellow AU alum. Since starting this blog, I feel like this happens more and more. Definitely a lot of random llama stuff coming my way, and we (Caitlin & I) couldn't be happier.

Updates to come on Holly and her llama fat.

To keep this somewhat educational, here is a page with all sorts of llamas found on wine and beer bottles. Including my personal favorite, Big Fat Llama, shown here:

 

That, my friends, is not a big fat llama.

If you have something llama-related that needs to be featured here, please contact us at llamasutra@gmail.com.

This Llama is a Therapist, and you?

It's a rare feat, and only 13 other llamas are technically registered as therapists nationwide (ok, technically called Certified Therapy Llamas, by the Delta Society).

In another heartwarming Oregon llama story, this therapist, aka Rojo, visits classrooms of children who have various ailments, and helps them build confidence through interactions with the docile creature (don't let the spicy name fool you).

"They slipped a floral garland around his neck, fastened an oversized cottontail on his rump and, yes, attached bunny ears to his halter.

'[We do] not encourage decorating the therapy animals,' Lori Gregory said, with an apologetic nod toward Rojo. 'But we find the kids are less afraid to approach him this way.'"

I'm not sure what's included in "regular" therapy sessions, but I'm guessing that you have to pay extra for that in the real world.

And for the money quote: "A shy, serious boy, who averted his gaze when spoken to and made nervous little motions with his hands when not spoken to, broke out in a smile while circling the yard with leash in hand. The smile faded as he passed the leash. Another boy commented on the warmth of Rojo's body and then said: 'You make my heart warm.'"

Yes folks, llamas are special, especially when you get the rare one who really doesn't mind being man- or panhandled by children, the disabled, or senior citizens. 

Anyways, I realized maybe that's why I turned out so well-adjusted (ha ha)...thousands of hours of free llama therapy that I didn't even realize I was getting growing up. Talk about a money-saver.

Full, heartwarming article here.
 Also, confidential to the reporter: Dogs use "leashes," llamas use "leads."

via brother Ryan

Llove is in the air

It's wedding season! (I only know that because some girl told me, but for her it's always wedding season, so I'm actually not that sure.) Weddings are big business and many llovebirds often opt for a cute theme that is special to them, be it beach, trekkie, furry or anime, if the bridezilla wants it, she can probably have it (for a fee, of course). Some socially conscious couples go green, and some even go on a farm.

Let's give it up for Mr. and Mrs. Simon and Laura for taking it to a whole new level with an entirely llama-themed wedding on a llama farm! Check out their flickr album which proudly shows their llama cookies, llama lollies and real life llamas!

Who wouldn't want their first photo as man and wife with some llamas? In these crazy times, it's a little bit of sanity.

Apparently a llama wedding isn't as rare as you'd think. I don't mean llamas getting married, I mean llamas being the main event at a bipeds' wedding. Shelley and Marco also took their nuptials to a whole new level by having some loving llamas in attendance, dressed in their Sunday best. Llove is in the air.

So if you're fianced, consider these pros and cons before deciding on a llama-themed wedding.

Pros:
Quirky, cuteness factor, free transportation for guests/supplies, and they can be milked after to make some wedding cheese and sheared for their fur to make your baby's christening gown.

Cons:
Llamas, unlike inanimate objects, poop, and the bride wears white = accident waiting to happen. Upstaging the newlyweds.

The beach wedding was so 2008. So next year, go for the llamas.

Llama Market Bottoms Out

From Craigslist:

I have a papered Llama, Beemer and his fieldmate Hershey the Alpaca. Both have been neutered and have been our "fieldpets" for a few years. They are very nice and love to be around people and our four dogs. If you can provide a good home for these two beautiful fiber animals please give me a shout.

First off, the llama doesn't look papered to me. Pampered, maybe, judging by the fierce haircuts being sported. 

Or maybe this is a new version of the Craigslist scams, only now, instead of Nigerian princes needing money wired to their account, you show up to this person's farm with your llama trailer, ready for your free llamas, and really they secretly unhitch the trailer and you drive off sans llama and out a trailer.

Or maybe the llama market has just gotten so bad? It's hard to say, but I have a feeling this owner has not put enough effort into making the sale. Judging by the effort put into the naming of these "fieldpets," Hershey and Beemer. Really? Do they realize the typical llama has at least a surname, if not several middle names and a prefix, such as Sir. At the very least they could have clicked on over to the llama name generator, and gotten some inspiration.
Here's a few good ones I just got:

Coach Perky Adonis
LarryBird Pandora Duncon 
Chickabitty bubble Georgie

It's actually a little scary how real-to-life these sound...

Walk the Llama Llama

I feel like I have successfully avoided the band Rascal Flatts up until now pretty well. I thought they were a country group, and after hearing this song, I'm not entirely sure how to classify them. But I do know this - they are purveying a funky llama-friendly sound that I'm guessing did not make it on the Top 40 charts. Rest assured, this blog could not let their pro-llama walking stance go unnoticed.
Enjoy(?!) below...



Walk The llama llama
Take in the panorama
Walk The llama llama - llama llama
Don't have to be a drama
Walk The llama llama - llama llama
No one could be calmer
Walk The llama llama
Walk The llama llama
Double L.A.M.A

Fluff up your fur
Stick out your chest
Walk The llama llama
Now your looking your best
Keep out the wind
Keep out the snow
Wool by llama from head to toe

Walk The llama llama - llama llama
Take in the panorama
Walk The llama llama
Walk The llama llama
Double L.A.M.A

Cool in the summer
Warm in the cold
A perfect fashion statement
For the young and the old
A cloak for the priest
A hat for the farmer
You could be looking at the emperor's pajamas

That's way the llama walks so proud
That's way the llama holds his head up in the crowd
All of us applaud his generosity
He's more than just a passing curiosity
He covers up our pride
And all those things we have to hide
In any civilized society

Walk The llama llama

Llama spotter: DC

On a recent visit to our nation's capital, our llama blotter recently came across this gem in downtown DC. Abstract and mysterious, this llama is the epitome of grace. Perhaps our forefathers left this image to send us a message of their journeys abroad. Lincoln went Incan?

Llama related quote of the century

"He looks like a female llama who has just been surprised in the bath."
-Churchill on De Gaulle, though Britain, the US and France were allies in World War II, so the following comments were presumably meant as friendly banter, according to the Times Live.

Here's a llama getting an actual bath, just for reference. Can't tell if its a female or not.

EveryLlama Poops

Anyone in need of a fundraiser or part-time business plan? If you’ve got a llama or two, then maybe you won’t be so shit out of luck in this economy.

Take it from here local news:

“They're fired up about feces, excited about excrement, pumped about poop, stoked about ... you get the picture… The women of Novato's Soroptimists International chapter hope to raise funds for college scholarships and other charity programs by selling bags of llama droppings in front of Pini Ace Hardware on South Novato Boulevard during the store's Spring Garden Day.”

This article is bringing up all sorts of memories I have tried to suppress for many years. Because llamas like to poop in a relatively low number of piles all over their pasture, it isn’t so bad to clean up their pens, and use the scheiss to fertilize the garden or newly planted trees, etc. like my family has been doing forever. However, it’s not exactly a fond memory of your Saturday afternoon’s growing up either.

I also distinctly recall my first science experiment in 6th grade where we grew some sort of bean sprouts, and I had 3 pots to grow. One plain control plant, one fertilized with llama manure, and one with mint compost. The mint compost plant won, with the fastest growth, with the llama pellets a close second. I hypothesized that the llama pellets took longer to break down and thus didn’t achieve quite as good of growth in the short amount of time.

Here comes a helpful hint for that problem from the article:

“The manure is a compact pellet size and is virtually odor free. Its low nitrogen content is considered a plus and makes it popular in vegetable gardens. Brewing "bean tea" - a mixture of pellets and water that soaks overnight- can bring immediate results to transplanted seedlings or plants that are considered heavy feeders.”

I was unaware of this Bean Tea (there’s a tea party joke in here somewhere), but I will take issue with the fact they say that the pellet is virtually odor free. No, that’s just not true.

Side note, the 3 poop factory llamas names are Llouie, Llovee, and Lluna.
Poop on.