llamasong

I'm sure you've all heard the llama song, but just in case.



I'm starting a petition to have all children sing this with their hands on their hearts every day in school. The pledge of allegiance is so 1776, and frankly, a bit too slow for our ADHD generation. We need some more action.

llamas love big government

Who says that the government is incapable of action?

From the Public Safety Log of the Albany Democrat Herald: (below the stolen oxycodone story, but above the 14 year old who hit his teacher after he was told to leave the room)


"Llama stuck — A concerned person called dispatch saying a llama had its head caught in a fence in the 32000 block of Denny School Road at about 12:30 p.m. Monday. The owner was contacted and came to Snowball’s rescue."

This comes from close to home, in neighboring Albany, Oregon, where due to various industrial related stenches, no one wants their head to be stuck in anything for too long.

Concerned citizen, Snowball thanks you, and will continue to stick his head through small spaces to get to that very green blade of grass just on the other side.

separated at birth: samuel l. jackson/llama

Apparently Samuel L. Jackson has caught the llama flu (swine flu is so last month).

Here is SLJ looking fierce and rocking the llama look c/o one of our favorite websites.

Got your own llama inspired 'do? Show us!

community organizing vs. llama herding

In what can only be interpreted as a sign of the true importance of llamas in their native South American lands, it has just come to our attention that current Bolivian President Evo Morales is a former LLAMA HERDER.

Which makes sense really. We now know that community organizing is a legitimate path to the presidency, and when your community is made up of llamas, well, organizing is just another term for herding if you think about it.

Bravo Morales. Managing llamas is undoubtedly a good warm up to the social class spats and border disputes that dominate Bolivian politics. We'd like to see it introduced as a litmus test of sorts for U.S. politicians in the upcoming election cycle.

the rare new jersey llama

Spotted: Sprinkles McGoo, rare New Jersey llama in Jersey City.

Please excuse the quality of this image but like other rare and mythical beasts such as Sasquatch and the Loch Ness Monster, Sprinkles can be tough to capture in a photo.

Sprinkles was last seen in Tibet by lama Kui Lu, learning the ancient wisdom of the buddha. Before that, he was visiting his ailing mother in Peru, eating empanadas.

Make sure to email us a photo if you see him in a neighborhood near you. Some of Sprinkles' favorite hang outs are hookah bars, Buddhist temples and taco trucks.

Gambler the Llama, Impounded

Let's face it, llamas love a little bit of publicity from time to time. When their day becomes a never-ending monotony of head down, chomping grass, sniffing an occasional llama bottom, and rolling in a dust bowl, some llamas can't help but take matters into their own hands to spice things up with the townies.

While some locals won't think twice about having a llama wander in and do a free lawn mowing of the back yard, some will make videos and send them to the local news. Llamas love this, and can usually sniff a possible newscast from at least three pastures over.



Gambler the llama clearly knows the value of the local press when he went and got himself impounded. He had already thought of several alternate headlines to the story, from "District Impounds Lost Llama," to "Gambler Impounded for Grass Possession," to "Local Gambler Lost on Neighbors Lawn."

Bravo Gambler, and keep up the great work spreading the news. Maybe next time an actual camera man will show up from the news station instead of the girl's little brother(?).

Llama Trauma

It's rarer than a coherent sentence from Sarah Palin, yet more devastating than Cheney in an undisclosed location: The dreaded llama attack. Although llamas are generally grouped with other dangerous animals such as butterflies, pandas, and the occasional unicorn, one must always remain vigilant and prepared. Easily spooked, and ever disdainful of redneck taunting (likely due to their sophisticated upbringing in the Andean highlands) llamas can snap more dramatically than a Lindsay Llohan made for TV movie.

Always known for their journalist standards and objectivity, here's a non-sensationalist look at a recent "incident."



In typical Fox News fashion, commentators are already calling for a crackdown on all illegal llama migrations at border checkpoints. Glenn Beck has gone so far as to label the llama in question a radical South American infidel, hell-bent on destroying the fabric of rural American life. Always the independent voice of reason, Bill O'Reilly has seized the opportunity to bring up his long standing "War on Llamas," citing the coastal liberal elites penchant for raising llamas, as opposed to more traditional farm animals, such as cows, chickens, and the occasional goat.

PS: Llamas don't reach 8 feet tall. FOX/Redneck family FAIL.
PPS: The alleged attacker's name was Spanky, see previous post on llama names.

Stillamaness is the Move

If there's one thing llamas llove, it's music. If there's one thing they llove even more, it's being the star of a music video.

For your listening and viewing pleasure, we present the Dirty Projectors "Stillness is the Move" featuring a seriously fierce llama.



This stylized video really captures the grace and nobility of the llama and pairs it with braless Brooklyn hipsters in hoods and harem pants. Also notice the love between the llama and his master around 3:07. At 3:53 the llama pretends to try to break free, but then says jk and falls back in line, trotting off into the distant abyss of life.

Llama Name Love

The care and feeding of llamas can be considered relatively simple. Put them in a pasture with green grass, give them some grain from time to time, fresh water, and you are pretty much set. Naming them, however, is a most serious activity. Llamas simply cannot have a boring name like Sally or Bob. They don’t usually have last names either in the familial sense, so llama owners generally take special care to be sure that their first name(s) are jazzy enough to stand alone. Not even holier-than-thou horse owners (hereby referred to as “horse people”) can shake a Himalayan hiking stick at some of the names llama owners come up with.

In many respects, this makes sense. If you are going to be offering up your precious male up for auction, it’s going to rile the crowd up a lot more, if the auctioneer has to say, “We’ll start the bidding for, er, um… Chocolate Sizzle Surprise at 1,000 dollars. Do I hear 1,000 for Chocolate Sizzle Surprise? He’s from an exceptional breeding line, the first offspring of Madam Mochabean III, and Junior Fizzlebeans. Yes, 1,000 will start the bidding.”

So in honor of every oddly named llama or alpaca out there today, here is just a random sampling of Studs and females for sale from llamaweb.

*DBR Beau Brummell   
*Oak Leaf Wilhelm     
*Flambe's Martinique   
*Crystal Blue Persuasion
*Hello Boogie     
*Misty Morning     


And to my favorites from my ranch: Buff Dude, Denali Jolly, White Delight.....
and

DISCO DUDE!