Llama Trauma

It's rarer than a coherent sentence from Sarah Palin, yet more devastating than Cheney in an undisclosed location: The dreaded llama attack. Although llamas are generally grouped with other dangerous animals such as butterflies, pandas, and the occasional unicorn, one must always remain vigilant and prepared. Easily spooked, and ever disdainful of redneck taunting (likely due to their sophisticated upbringing in the Andean highlands) llamas can snap more dramatically than a Lindsay Llohan made for TV movie.

Always known for their journalist standards and objectivity, here's a non-sensationalist look at a recent "incident."



In typical Fox News fashion, commentators are already calling for a crackdown on all illegal llama migrations at border checkpoints. Glenn Beck has gone so far as to label the llama in question a radical South American infidel, hell-bent on destroying the fabric of rural American life. Always the independent voice of reason, Bill O'Reilly has seized the opportunity to bring up his long standing "War on Llamas," citing the coastal liberal elites penchant for raising llamas, as opposed to more traditional farm animals, such as cows, chickens, and the occasional goat.

PS: Llamas don't reach 8 feet tall. FOX/Redneck family FAIL.
PPS: The alleged attacker's name was Spanky, see previous post on llama names.