In these uncertain times, the soft hum of a llama brings comfort to weary souls. What other animal can give you a sweater for winter, a ride to the mailbox, and protect your flock of sheep while you are on the couch in a Snuggie watching soaps? (Llamasutra reserves all rights to develop a llama print Snuggie, or alpaca wool version.)
If your life is missing any of these attributes that only a real life llama* can provide, check back to llamasutra to get the next best thing.
*or alpaca.
Yesterday marked Obama's first State of the Union address and his first year in office, and let's face it, we're just happy it's anyone but Bush. Not only is he just a cooler guy in general, but he has a cooler name too (rhymes with Bush: smoosh, mush, Hindu Kush).
In contrast, so many cool, positive things rhyme with Obama: mama, drama, Osama (eh, scratch that) and of course LLAMA. Back in 2008, ambitious, forward-thinking supporter Chris Drew started ObamaLlama(TM) to fundraise for the campaign, selling stuffed llamas with Obama's face on them.
The website gives a few cute reasons why they started selling the stuffed animals: that it's soft and cuddly and makes a great gift for all different people in your life. But then it gets deep. "ObamaLlama was coined as a way of associating Barack Obama with a more peaceful, wise and diplomatic world figure: the Dali Lama." (Dali spelled like the painter, not like the Dalai Lama.)
(Drew, with his ObamaLlamas)
It clearly doesn't take a private university degree to rhyme Obama and llama; they probably even managed to do it on Fox News. A few other people had similar ideas, so for your visual delight, happy 1st anniversary Obama!
When I was a young girl I had an American Girl Doll, Molly McIntire, to be exact. She grew up during WWII and had a detailed back story just like the other 5 or so of them. It's been awhile since Molly came out of her box in the attic, so I touched base recently and found that there are now tons of them, including dolls of the year!
This year is Lanie but last year was Chrissa, who happens to have a llama friend you can buy for her - for the bargain price of $25, but what is money when you're talking about llamas with parade packs that can carry bookmarks for your friends. Apparently, Chrissa moved to Iowa to be closer to "Nana" who also bought her the llama. She was lucky enough to befriend my new favorite doll, Gwen, who's homeless! What a girl to look up to. (BTW- Even though Gwen's homelessness and the economic downturn are being exploited, she costs $95 like the rest of the girls.)
The moral to the story is that yay! American girls have llamas too. They've really hit the main stream and the llama lobby is getting 'em young.
And if you're a little bored/out of touch with marketing for young girls, here's a shameful excerpt from Wikipedia about the girl's complicated back story:
"Chrissa attempts to befriend Gwen Thompson, a shy, lonely, unpopular girl who is also bullied by the Bees. Although Gwen is at first aloof, the girls gradually become friendly. At a fundraiser for the local homeless shelter, Chrissa finds out that Gwen is homeless; Chrissa is sworn to secrecy but the girls become closer as a consequence. Meanwhile, Sonali is starting to be friendlier with Chrissa but is still more loyal to Tara. Chrissa becomes friends with Sonali and Tara warns her that if she is friends with her she will be kicked out of the club but Sonali says she dosen't care if she isn't in the club."
Nothing but quality literature for our young American minds.
Sadly, I think Chrissa's llama doesn't have a name, which means, American Girl really isn't all that "in touch" because if they were, they would know it's a mortal sin not to bestow upon your llama a flashy name.
So, what should Chrissa's llama be called?
White Delight?
Des Moines Dandelion?
Recession Proof Poofy?
You tell us!
UPDATE (by KYLE):
So as it turns out often in life, everything is just one big giant marketing scam that just takes a little scraping below the surface to completely unravel like a spool full of llama wool on your spindle.
It turns out the bookmark carrying (wtf) pet llama of Chrissa already has a name. Wait for it - Starburst. Now you might think this is all just tied back to the ridiculous llama naming trends we mentioned previously, but tamed down for the American Girl Audience, but it goes much deeper.
According to Ad Age, the llama was named Starburst because of the cult success of a Starburst commercial that started out for Hispanic audiences, but then crossed over to the English-markets due to extreme popularity, tweets in social media, etc. etc.
So while the llamasutra naming contest still stands (I think we can come up with something better than Starburst), we've basically learned that the American Girls corporation is one sleazy money-making operation that will name a homeless girl's friend's llama after a candy for a few extra sales. Why not just fill that saddle up with other fine Mars candies while they're at it.
Ok, so maybe this wasn't as scandalous as it seemed in my head. Carry on.
[WARNING: REPORTER MAY HAVE BEEN HIGH WHILE WRITING THIS]
FORT WORTH – They prance into the show ring with their heads held high, gliding across the arena floor as if it were a catwalk.
KYE R. LEE/DMN
Judge Bill Schultz was seeing eye-to-eye with Cinderfella during judging of the halter class at the stock show on Thursday.
If the barnyard were high school, the llama would be that elegant, impeccably groomed girl that always seemed so unapproachable.
But give them a chance, llama owners say, and you'll discover that the sleek camel-like creatures are really just intelligent, curious and surprisingly warm – even if they do look like supermodels.
"Hey, they have their bad hair days too," said Patti Wattigney this week, as she and her husband, Keith, readied their llamas to compete at the Southwestern Exposition and Livestock Show in Fort Worth. "But we never do get tired of looking at them."
Partly because of their regal appearance – lush fur and impossibly long necks – llamas often aren't given credit for their workhorse versatility, say their owners.
Members of the same family as the camel and the alpaca, llamas are classified by the U.S. Department of Agriculture as farm animals. The stock show groups them as part of the horse department.
Quick, what's the difference between a Huacaya and a Suri alpaca? Hopefully our regular readers can at least spot the difference between a llama and an alpaca, but we are here to educate, so we are kicking up the llamallessons up a notch today.
As the laser cut magnets attempt too show, ($6.50 each, available at Etsy, of course), a Huacaya is a type of alpaca, that sort of resembles a fluffy teddy bear. It sort of usually looks like it may have trouble seeing where it is going, because its fro has managed to grow over its eyes.
Even though the magnet is the same price, a Suri alpaca has stringy, silky strands hanging down, which I guess could be likened to dreads, just really expensive dreads that grow back relatively quickly.
So take your pick, the classic Llama, always a hit; the alpaca, your standard pocket-sized choice that will give you a quality sweater, or one day, perhaps a snuggie; Huacaya, aka 'the fro'paca,' or the Suri, who may only be as tall as a nine year old, but who you definitely wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley.
...out of your 2.95 in iTunes credit that buying this latest game would require. "Fleeced! Shear Terror" is a new app for iPod Touch and iPhone with a fairly misleading title. Judging from the short preview clip below, the game is set on some sort of Incan Plateau (though it looks more like the temples at Teotihucan to me, but that's neither here nor there), and all you are really tasked with is trying to blow up your neighbor's llama pen, thus unleashing the (shear!) terror of an escaped llama. Please.
If they wanted to liven the game up a bit, it should really stick to the title, and be centered around trying to shear your llama or alpaca's wool, as you struggle to survive the frigid nights high up in the Andes. Your llama would kick, spit, and attempt to struggle free as you use some rusty clippers to get to the goods. For those unsuccessful gamers who are unable to extract the wool off the body of the animal, they will be inevitably forced to sacrifice the animal for its meat, resulting in a less than stellar score, but all the while salvaging some usefulness. Now that is an App.
If you're an American, you may be celebrating MLK day today, or if you're like me, you have to work at a crappy job that doesn't give holidays (welkom to amerika). Some people call it milk day for brevity. Llamas like this (brevity and milk, they're simple creatures.) So in honor of freedom and thirst, we present this gift of practical knowledge to you: How to milk a llama.
Alek, a city slicker, had the good sense to ask the experts on yahoo answers, and got two responses.
You decide on the response that works for your own needs.
1. "you milk it just like a cow or a goat... nothing to it..."
2. "It can be done, but it's a lot more difficult than milking a goat or a cow. The teats are far smaller and it's very difficult to get a good enough grip to be able to strip any milk out.
Your better bet is to try the "reverse syringe" method. This is from an alpaca website, but will work on llamas, as well: Alpacas are not easy to milk, as they produce milk little yet often. Milk can be expressed from the teats using a 10ml syringe with its top narrow neck cut-off. Put the wide end of the syringe (un-cut end) on the udder, and draw the plunger back. Decant it into a sterile container, out of kicking distance!"
So there you have it. Go out and celebrate MiLK day by milking a llama, no matter if you're black or white, woo!
As a retired, semi-professional llama trainer, I can unequivically state that this llama is the best behaved one I have ever come across, digitally or otherwise. I should also point out that the girl took the llama to a veterinarian, not a dentist. Last time I checked, there wasn't a wall of cages full of cats at my dentist's office. But otherwise, this song completely rocks.
Press Release: Tiger Woods Needs A Llama BREVARD, N.C. (Wireless Flash - FlashNews) – After all the bad publicity over his extramarital affairs, Tiger Woods could use a good llama on the links.
Llama Caddy – a service that trains llamas to perform the duties of a golf caddy – can provide a kind and gentle live llama to follow Woods on the fairway, giving both his image and heart a boost.
Mark English, founder of Llama Caddy, says Woods would look better in the eyes of golf fans if he had a llama on the green because “kids love llamas.”
A llama caddy would also soothe Wood’s bruised ego and provide some therapy.
English explains, “Llamas really know how to calm someone down. There’s a great feeling they give you. A Zen quality feeling. Tiger could really use that.”
Yes, this is a real service that exists in NC. The real question here is clearly not "how much?" or "why?" but "why not?" Other than the fairly high risk of stepping in a few fecal pellets here and there (really much better than the usual goose or duck poo), I see no problems.
Didn't get the llama paraphernalia that you clearly deserved over Christmas? Or maybe you did send a llama to a Peruvian family in need as we suggested earlier, and you'd like to be reminded of your good deed all year long (whoever said giving was a selfless act, welcome to 2010).
Whatever the case, may we suggest a llama or alpaca calendar that can spruce up a boring cubicle in no time. Cafepress has a wide array of amateur, comical, user-generated calendars to choose from.
How about a wet alpaca babies calendar?
Or maybe an Alpaca Angels Calendar, where someone has taken the trouble to painstakingly photoshop in halos around the alpaca pictures?
Or our personal favorite, someone who thought they could get away with uploading one, Andy Warhol style image for every single month except December (we'll just add a Santa Hat), and thinks he will sell some.
Ok, alpaca owners officially win the crazy devotion to their pets contest.
